When new parents first imagine having a child, they often have all sorts of fantasies about what the pregnancy or postpartum period with their beautiful baby will look like. Images of snuggling for hours, smelling their new baby's head, and falling instantly in love with this little person seem natural. However, most of new parents realize quickly that while filled with adorableness and joy, parenthood is exhausting, bewildering, and often very anxiety producing. In fact, the most common complication of pregnancy and childbirth is a perinatal mood disorder (PMAD) - including depression, anxiety, OCD, and rarely, psychosis. Research shows that at twelve weeks postpartum 1 in 7 women will meet the criteria for a PMAD, and that increases as the year goes on, to 1 in 5! That means 20% of women who have been pregnant or had a baby (and that includes women who have suffered a miscarriage or had an abortion) will have a recognizable, treatable mental health disorder. Biological mothers are not the only ones at risk- adoptive moms, same sex partners, and dads are also at risk for a PMAD following the introduction of a baby into their lives. In that first year postpartum a full 10% of dads meet the criteria for a PMAD.
These parents can feel an immense amount of shame. Despite the widespread prevalence of these disorders, there is very little education or acknowledgement about them. Remembering the fantasies of what parenthood "should" feel like, a new parent with a PMAD is not only suffering from the symptoms of the disorder itself, but also from the horrifying belief that they made the wrong choice, and that they should not be a parent.
This is so far from the case. Just because you have a PMAD does not mean that you should not be a parent, or that you are not able to do a wonderful job as a parent. It does mean that you should seek help, and know that help is available. The postpartum therapy and cognitive-behavioral and mindfulness strategies I incorporate at the Relationship Center of Conifer can bring relief to the anguish you are feeling. You are not alone.
-Wisner KL, et.al, JAMA Psychiatry 2013
Paulson, et.al,JAMA. 2010