I find that living as a parent, in the midst of routine feedings and diaper changes, meltdowns and storytimes, and the juggling of time and attention to make sure everyone's needs are met, it can be easy to lose my sense of self. I can look back on the past day and have trouble even remembering what I did that morning.
Of course, as a therapist, I know that the answer to this is mindfulness: taking moments to touch in with myself, notice my breath, notice my emotions, and notice if there is anything I need to keep myself grounded. And yet, for all of us, it is so easy to forget to be mindful, to be swept up in both mundane and new parenting challenges.
My children are my best reminders. Recently, I was changing my older son's diaper, moving quickly so that we could join my infant in the living room and continue with our plans for the day. I used only a small part of my mind to notice what I was doing, mainly leaping ahead to what I needed to do next, and next, and next... Then my son looked at me as I was working swiftly and said somewhat sharply, "Go slowly, Mama!".
Go slowly, Mama. He didn't like the rough feeling of me rushing through this caregiving task. Likely, he didn't like feeling as though he was just another item on a checklist. He wanted me to slow down, to pay attention to what I was doing, and pay attention to him. To be gentle, not forceful. To be mindful. In that moment, his complaint sparked my empathy for him and my own self-compassion. In my stressful rush to get things done I was neither meeting his needs nor my own. So I took a breath. Slowed down. Noticed my son and noticed myself. I connected with him by meeting his eyes and saying simply, "I've been going too fast, huh?".
I hear his voice in my head often now, the tone of his impatience, "Go slowly, Mama." It reminds me even when I am close to tears (or in tears!) from the stress of the day that I can slow down. Breathe deeply. Look at the curve of my youngest son's cheek, and the strength in my older son's legs. Notice my emotions and breathe into them, whatever they are in that moment. It's rarely easy- it's habitual to run through our days without really paying attention to right now, trying to prepare for the next thing. But hearing his voice reminds me that I am more patient with my children and myself, more joyful, and more able to reconnect with all that is around when I do slow down, just for a moment.
If you're also looking for support in going more slowly and practicing mindfulness in your parenting, feel free and contact me.