When I am doing play therapy with a child, I always incorporate parenting work into my treatment plan. If a child is struggling, that usually means that the parent can use some support too. One of the most deceptively simple, and yet wonderfully helpful tools that a parent can learn is to approach their child with empathy first.
What does that mean? "Empathy first" means that in most interactions the parent's primary goal should be trying to understand the child's perspective. For example, when your three year old tips the black beans from his dinner out onto the floor for the dog to eat (which may or may not have just happened to me yesterday!), you take a deep breath, remind yourself that it's not an emergency, and then notice what might be happening for your kiddo, "Hey! It's fun when the dog gets excited about food falling onto the ground isn't it?", or, "Wow- your dad and I have been talking a lot just now. Seems like you're trying to get our attention". After that moment of empathy and understanding, the child is going to be much more receptive to the directive that is likely going to come next, "In our house, we don't dump food on the floor", or "It's not ok to feed the dog from the table". All too often, as parents we jump to the directive first, yelling, "Stop that! Don't throw your food on the ground!"- only to have our child escalate their behavior.
When I work with parents who have recently had a baby in postpartum therapy we will often work with having empathy for that child as well, noticing when the baby seems tired or what cues they offer when they are hungry. Sometimes this is easier with a very young child because their needs are so simple; they need to sleep, eat, be cleaned, held, or rocked. For older children, it can become more challenging because their needs become less physical and often do not make a lot of sense. When a child is crying because they want to eat cake for breakfast, and they have never had cake for breakfast in their life, it can seem absurd that they are so upset. However, recognizing and responding to the genuine longing and sadness associated with not getting what they want helps children feel secure. This does not mean that the parent should give the child cake for breakfast, but rather that they should acknowledge the emotions they see present rather than ignoring, dismissing, or arguing those emotions away.
"Empathy First" also means approaching your work as a parent with self-empathy. The moment you yell at your child when they do dump food on the floor, or you decide to actually give them cake for breakfast to avoid a fight- give yourself some empathy. Parenting is hard work. Your emotions are valid. Take a breath. Know you are trying your best. Then, remember that your kids are too.